Poem: Tired

I am tired of this place
And my mere existence
I'm tired of pretending
Like things will be different
I don't have it in me
To change what is happening
There is no more spark
Or the drive to do anything
So here I find myself
Inside these four walls again
Letting the days go by
Not really living life
What is the point then
When all the hope is gone
Maybe the time has come
For me to say so long
To the one that doesn't try
To spread her wings and fly

Written December 19, 2022

© 2022 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: My Eyes Deceive Me

I look toward the bar
And see you standing there
With short gray hair and glasses
Shocked at the sight of you 

I quickly look away
Thinking I've imagined you
But when I turn back around
You are still there
Not moving an inch 

How can this be
You are supposed to be down below
With your beloved parents
And yet here you are
Gracing me with your presence

I have the sudden urge to approach you
To say hello
To give you a hug I've been yearning for
But then you turn your face toward me
And that's when I realize that it isn't you
But a stranger that resembled you in the distance

Oh how my eyes deceive me
Into thinking you are still here
When you are nowhere to be found

Perhaps this is a sign
But I wonder what it means
To think you are standing there
When it's not really you

Written November 15, 2022

© 2022 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poems: Memories Reborn

Memories that fade with time
Can be reborn 
Just like the seasons
Each season sparking visuals
Of what once was

Bit by bit the details spring forth

Revealing the passing of time

Forming a complete painting

Of all that unfolded long ago

Drops of rain against the windowpane

Snowflakes falling from the sky

The rustling of the leaves

Their crunch under your feet

The booming thunder overhead

All these things and more

Can bring back memories

That seemed to have faded 

All you need to do 

Is be one with nature

And you will find the past

Coming alive before your very eyes

Written November 7, 2022

© 2022 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Picture in the Frame

I see your picture in the frame

And as I near you

There you are 

Staring at me 

Gazing right through me 

Right into my soul

You have left us behind

And yet you are still here

Watching my every move

Listening to every thought

That escapes me 

Or remains hidden within

Perhaps that is just 

A figment of my imagination

But there is an eerie feeling 

In the room as I near you

To say hello

To utter a few words

And I feel as if you are judging me

As if you are disappointed with who I am

Or the way I live my life

Or that I am not moving forward

And I find myself weeping

My face streaked with tears

Wondering about your last thoughts of me

Before you went away

Wondering about your last words to me

In that hospital room

Words that you screamed out

But were muted

By a tube in your throat

As you looked at me with fear in your eyes

Written October 17, 2022

© 2022 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Tick-Tock

The clock on the wall
Goes tick-tock, tick-tock
Am I going to fall
Down below on the rock

It's a slippery slope
Up ahead on this trail
But today is my hope
That somehow I'll prevail

Do I have it inside me
To conquer and win
Or is my fate to be
To be dormant within

The clock on the wall

Goes tick-tock, tick tock

I need to stand tall 

So I won't get stuck

It seemed I'm still young 

But now I'm almost forty

A third of life gone 

But where is my glory

What have I achieved

That's worthy of praise

The things I have grieved

The things yet to chase

Don't yet know my story

Don't yet know my ending
Don't want to be sorry

Or be left pretending

As if everything's fine

When in fact I am lost

On this journey of mine

With uncertainty's cost 

Do I even belong here

And what is my worth

In this world so unclear

In my life on this earth

Written September 19, 2022

© 2022 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: I Remain a Mute

You silence my words
They remain inside
Can't say how I feel
Can't voice what I hide

They need to escape
But buried they are
And what's on mind
Can't get very far

I fear your reaction
And what you will say
That you'll shut me out
Or ruin my day

Protecting myself
From the heart and the pain
I remain a mute
With nothing to gain

So when will I say
That enough is enough
Your reactions won't hurt me
Because I am tough

And let them escape

These words of my heart

These thoughts that are yearning

To not fall apart

Perhaps I can do it 

Perhaps I can soar

Once this crippling fear

Is here no more

But how can this fear

Be gone from within

When it's always there

Not letting me win

Guess I should accept it

Embrace my own fear

And that's when these words

Won't be silenced my dear

Written February 9, 2022

© 2022 Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Stuck

Stuck
Unable to move
Can't escape
No way out

Pull me
Out of this hole
Out of this hell

Push me
Help me take that first step
Make that first move

Lift me up

Help me accept my fears

And embrace them

Be my lifeline

When I can't be my own

When I'm stuck

In my own cocoon

Written January 31, 2022

© 2022 Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.