Poem: Silenced by an Inner Demon

I hear the sound of my own voice inside my head
And yet the words I try to speak
Are silenced by an inner demon
That has taken control over my mind
Over the thoughts that seem to eat me alive

I am muted hoping that my facial expressions
The depth of my deep brown eyes
And the way my body moves to the beat inside my head
Speak louder than the words hidden within
Words I can't seem to bring forth into the world

What do you see when you get lost in my eyes
When you stare at the lines on my face
When you follow my body's every move

Do they tell a story that the trapped words hide
Do they reveal the very essence of me
The yearnings of my heart and soul
The fears that keep me frozen
That keep me from moving forward

I sure hope so because that is the only way
You will get to know what I am trying so hard to tell you
But cannot voice at this moment in time

© 2020 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: No More

No more lies
No more pain
No pretending
No restrain
No more tears
Left unshed
No more words
All left unsaid
No more fear
No hesitation
Must take charge
Release temptation
It is time to change my life
Time to soar
And time to thrive

Written October 30, 2017

© 2017 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Tears of Red

There’s no way I can forget

All these moments ever-lasting
Tears of red forever shed
Fragile heart in need of mending
When I think of those near
Yet so far from me to know
When I think of those held dear
That I lost so long ago
They’ll forever live inside me
Be a part of me through life
And together they will guide me
Past the age of ninety-five

Written October 30, 2017 for new poetry book I am working on.

© 2017 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Castaway

When I sit home alone

Sometimes I feel like a castaway

The only person to talk to

Me, myself and I

And so I do just that

For sitting all alone in total silence

Can be worse than being in a crowd

But feeling like you are

The only person in the room

Written July 25, 2016

© 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Often Times I Wish...

Often times I wish I were a different person
The kind of person who not only wants change
But one that believes in herself, never doubting her actions
Takes the ever-present fear and pushes it aside
And exudes confidence, drive and a fighting spirit
To actually make the desired changes happen

I do not wish to be the kind of person
Who wants her current life to be different
But instead of taking chances
And doing everything in her power
To make change happen and turn her life around
Just sits there in her room crying her heart out
Unsatisfied with the way things are turning out
And feeling like nothing will ever change for the better
And life will continue to be the same as it is now

But it is hard to accomplish as fear reigns over me
And I lack the confidence, drive and fighting spirit
That once somehow roamed within me
Causing me to believe that I don’t have what it takes
To create the life that I want to live
A life where the constant tears, whether visible or not
Are replaced by tears of joy, laughter and eternal peace
A life where all my accomplishments are at their peak
And I and everyone around me is proud
Of all I have achieved and the person I have become

Written July 13, 2016

© 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: I Stand There Wondering

I stand there surrounded by darkness

And wonder if I’m making a mistake

But it’s not like I have a choice

There’s nowhere else for me to go

So I must remain where I am

And hope that things will get better

Yet hoping is simply not enough

I have stand strong and confident

I have to take action and fight

To make things better in my life

So I don’t have to stand there

Surrounded by darkness

With tears streaming down my face

Wondering if I’m making a mistake

Written June 13, 2016

© 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Memories of Dinner at Grandmother’s House

Though my grandmother has long passed

The memories of my time at her home very much alive 

Her apartment filled with the aroma of fried potatoes

And chicken patties frying on the stove

The table set with gold embroidered plates

And filled with my other favorite treats

I am tempted to pick up the phone

And invite myself over for dinner

Only to realize that she is no longer here

My stomach begins to growl

And I make my way to the kitchen

Ready to recreate the dinner in my own home

Written May 14, 2016

© 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Thoughts of the Future

As the bus speeds down the highway

Its destination yet unknown

The soon-to-be wedding of my dreams

That I’ve always fantasized about

But never thought would be real

Starts playing out in my mind

And I wonder if this is a sign

That my once uncertain future

Will be the beginning of a better life

Where my unrealized dreams

Will morph into actual achievements

And I finally become the star

That I am destined to be

Written April 25, 2016

© Copyright 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Underground Lair

The underground lair

Is her sanctuary

For here she is protected

From the deadly stares

The sharp whispers

The nasty remarks

That scar her to the core

And make her wish

She were invisible

And this is where she hides

Awaiting the day

She will at last find peace

Written April 20, 2016

© 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Thinking about Unfulfilled Dreams

Time seems to stand still

As she sits on the swing by the lake

And sways in rhythm with the wind

Thinking about the promises she made to herself

To go out into the scary unknown

And pursue the passion that lies within

She wonders if her unfulfilled dreams

Will ever become more than just desires

And if the limits she set for herself

Will ever be lifted from her mind

Giving her the confidence to go past the horizon

And explore the endless possibilities that await

Written April 20, 2016

© 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Your Heart of Gold

Your heart of gold overflows with love

Surrounds me with inner peace

With the safety of your warm embrace

The promise of a brighter tomorrow

I don’t know what the future holds

But I know that your heart of gold

Will keep me going in this uncertain world

Written April 20, 2016

© 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: I Don't Belong at This Party

I find myself surrounded by a crowd of familiar faces

But I might as well be surrounded by strangers

As these people engage in never-ending conversation

About the things I have no connection to

And so I find myself a stranger in the room

Finding it hard fitting in with these people

Feeling as empty and alone as I’ve ever felt

All the while trying to hide my feelings

I know I don’t belong at this party

And want nothing more than to escape it

But I must stay there until the end

And so I flee to the bathroom

Lock myself in the stall and let the tears fall

Written April 20, 2016

© 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: An Unforgettable Experience

I met a stranger at a wedding
And felt an instant connection
Which grew stronger
As we danced the night away
Our bodies moving without limits
Our unspoken words filled with a fiery passion
As the magical night drew to a close
No promises of a future connection were made
Yet there were no regrets on the horizon
For that night was an unforgettable experience
And one of those memories that I’ll always treasure 

Written April 11, 2016

© 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Free at Last

He made his final speech short yet unique

His delivery deeply moving

His words filled with a fiery passion

His heart weeping with loss

He was free at last

Free to travel back home

Back to a place where her presence was felt

And her memory was still alive

Written April 11, 2016

© 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission.

Poem: Her Perception

She stares at her reflection in the crooked mirror

Her eyes examining every inch of her body

Her perception forever the same

She is a portrait filled with blobs

There is no illustration of beauty

Only traces of never-ending revolt

The familiar expression on her face

Is filled with hatred and bitter tears

Rapid thoughts running through her head

That scar her deep to the core

Telling her she’s a beast

That nobody wants around

Written April 11, 2016

© 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Lost and Found

When it came to real love

I found myself lost in a world of fairy tales

In a world of make believe feelings

That I thought were not pretend

But now I find myself in a world

Where real love is indeed real

And the feelings are not masked

By a desperate plea to be loved

A love that seemed forever lost

Has been found at last

Yes, it is filled with ups and downs

But it is unconditional, genuine

And will stand the test of time

Written April 9, 2016

© Copyright 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: I Am a Warrior

I am a warrior, battling with my lack of confidence,

Battling with the fear that has taken over me

Trying to conquer it and win

So that I can rise above and soar into the sky

The way I am meant to soar

The way I am meant to prosper

But it is no easy feat as I struggle to let go

Of all that I’ve come to accept as being real

That in reality may actually be a lie

Written April 9, 2016

© Copyright 2016 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Shadow

I am but a shadow
Invisible to the passing eye
Of those who know me
Those who lay eyes on me
But to a wandering stranger
I am an actual being
Roaming this universe
I am a living, breathing creature
In need of attention
In need of comfort
In need of support
In need of everything
That my people never give

Written July 3, 2007

This poem is featured in my book Pieces of Me

© Copyright 2007 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.