Why Was I Always the Last in Line?

I remember when I was younger
I was always the last in line
To be picked for a team

I didn’t know why that was
And it baffles me to this day

Did my facial expression scream
Stay away!
Don’t touch me!
Leave me alone!

Did I give off a vibe of a loser
That with me on the team
They will never win

Always being the last one chosen
Made me feel unwanted
And that I was on a team
Because they had no choice
They had to pick me
They couldn’t say no

When I finally made it
When I was no longer sitting on the floor
Waiting to be picked
I should have been happy
Yet I felt like a loser
And wished I was still on that cold floor
Waiting and waiting…

Because I was unwanted
No matter what hidden talents I possessed
Or how great of a player
I might have been

I was a girl
And they didn’t wish to see
Past their preconceived image
That a girl couldn’t play ball

And so that’s how it happened
That’s how they saw me
Each and every time
I was on their team

They played their game
As if they had never picked me
As if I didn’t exist

So I never really got to play
Never got to enjoy the game that I love
Which shattered my heart

But what really scarred me
Was being invisible
In a group of people
That should have embraced me

Or at least given me a chance

Written March 25, 2018

© 2018 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only

Poem: Facing Rejection

Facing rejection is never easy
Especially when the negative words
Can sting and scar
But think of rejection as a positive thing
A motivator for you to try harder
To improve your greatness
In your talent and passion

Facing rejection is never easy
But that is what leads you
To become a better person
And the best you can be
In whatever you set out to do

Written September 30, 2018 

© 2018 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only.

Poem: Relationship Trouble

She comes home after a stressful day at work

Ready to strike with words that hammer

At the heart and soul of her fragile partner

Pointing out the faults, the misgivings

The tasks left undone

Sitting there dormant for weeks

No hello, how are you?
Or how was your day?

Only negative energy

Belittling lectures

And everything that screams out

You're a loser! Get out of my sight!

And then she questions
Why he's cold toward her

No affection, no love, no tenderness

Why he's more like a stranger than a spouse

Why he wants to do nothing

But sit there on the couch

And stare at the TV screen

In between food and bathroom breaks

And frequent meetings with a pack of cigarettes 

That damage his already deteriorating health

These little killers
Bring him some sort of comfort and satisfaction

Something he never gets 

Whenever the two of them are together

And the words fly out of her mouth 

Like speeding bullets

That never seem to stop their flight

She thinks he is the problem

That he is the enemy

But it is she who is at fault

And it is she who is to blame

For all the trouble the relationship experiences 

Day after day

Written December 3, 2018

© 2018 by Lena Kovadlo Use with permission only.