Why Was I Always the Last in Line?

I remember when I was younger
I was always the last in line
To be picked for a team

I didn’t know why that was
And it baffles me to this day

Did my facial expression scream
Stay away!
Don’t touch me!
Leave me alone!

Did I give off a vibe of a loser
That with me on the team
They will never win

Always being the last one chosen
Made me feel unwanted
And that I was on a team
Because they had no choice
They had to pick me
They couldn’t say no

When I finally made it
When I was no longer sitting on the floor
Waiting to be picked
I should have been happy
Yet I felt like a loser
And wished I was still on that cold floor
Waiting and waiting…

Because I was unwanted
No matter what hidden talents I possessed
Or how great of a player
I might have been

I was a girl
And they didn’t wish to see
Past their preconceived image
That a girl couldn’t play ball

And so that’s how it happened
That’s how they saw me
Each and every time
I was on their team

They played their game
As if they had never picked me
As if I didn’t exist

So I never really got to play
Never got to enjoy the game that I love
Which shattered my heart

But what really scarred me
Was being invisible
In a group of people
That should have embraced me

Or at least given me a chance

Written March 25, 2018

© 2018 by Lena Kovadlo. Use with permission only